Annoying Heads/ French Toast & Fire Alarms

This past week I found myself struggling to balance drawing and figuring out my life. Unable to do this successfully resulted with a very unproductive week.

I need to get this rant over with. I feel as if my precious studio time has been wasted. I SPENT OVER SIX HOURS ON ONE HEAD. After struggling for an hour I hated it; took a second look, decided it was the best part of the drawing, then realized it was too big for the body after stepping away from the drawing for the day. It was going to bother me way too much so I very painfully erased it. I then spent 5 1/2 hours trying to fix it. I hate it but it's time to move on. It should've only taken a half an hour to do but I couldn't let it go, I felt so betrayed. This was the section of the drawing I couldn't wait to render (such exciting value relationships!) and it was giving me Hell. What got me through all this was possibly the best studio mix I've ever made! Most of the songs remind me of stuff that played on pandora in the studio a lot the last few months of school. I can't NOT share it so here it is:

1. "Dog Days Are Over" Florence and the Machine

2. "Fidelity" Regina Spektor

3. "1234" Feist

4. "I'm scared" Duffy

5. "L.E.S. Artistes" Santigold

6. "Maps" Yeah Yeah Yeahs

7. "1901" Phoenix

8. "Between Two Lungs" Florence and the Machine

9. "Cosmic Love" Florence and the Machine

10. "The Greatest" Cat Power

11. "Sort Of" Ingrid Michaelson

12. "Samson" Regina Spektor

13. "Almost Lover" A Fine Frenzy

14. "Paris" Yael Naim

15. "You Picked Me" A Fine Frenzy

16. "The Way We Get By" Spoon

17. "Young Folks" Peter Bjorn and John

16. "Electric Feel" MGMT

17. "Sleepyhead" Passion Pit

18. "Fallin' For You" Colbie Caillat

It's almost like being transported back to the studio. I'm starting to think that it may just be the actual space of that particular studio that I am missing (not just the company). I'm pretty sure I could tell you exactly what CD was playing when I made most of my drawings from drawing two ( as well as what movies were on for each section of my color copy in painting).

I made french toast the other morning for the first time since high school. It actually turned out really good, however, I did set off the fire alarm. Thankfully opening the back door made it stop fairly quickly. Something was bound to happen. Me and the kitchen rarely ever get through a meal without some small argument. Well I guess it's back to work.

"Warhol-esque"

http://perezhilton.com/2010-07-19-lady-gaga-turns-a-urinal-into-art

I really think Lady Gaga is Andy Warhol's long lost twin. I like her simply because I heard her songs non-stop when I was living in London and they stir up a pleasant reminiscence for me. Either way I have respect for her as an artist. Andy Warhol's personality was not having one. He lived his art 24/7 by creating a public persona. Even though it seems like he was kind of an asshole, Warhol as an icon in the art world still commands a certain respect, whether you like his art or not.

Likewise, her music aside, Lady Gaga still deserves respect for taking her art to the level that Andy Warhol did. My whole point to this post is that I understand Andy Warhol and Duchamp were part of two completely different art movements but it is Lady Gaga's "Warhol-esque" attitude that makes her reference to Marcel Duchamp so amusing to me.

Perhaps I have no idea what I am talking about since I feel like I am not nearly as knowledgeable in Art History as I believe an artist should be.

Invisible Treehouse

http://green.yahoo.com/blog/guest_bloggers/56/almost-invisible-mirrored-tree-house-built-in-sweden.html

I really want to see this tree house in person. It reminds me of Dan Graham's work which I love because of his use of reflective materials. Mirrors create the illusion of depth, of three-dimensional space, on a two-dimensional surface just as drawing does. (Below is one of Dan Graham's pieces).

Florence & The Machine/ "The Figure"

So flashback to a week ago Sunday as in 7/18. Remember the allure of the song in that movie trailer I mentioned? Well I gave into it and bought the whole Florence and the Machine album "Lungs" (because I really have the money to spend on music). Totally worth the investment as it seemed to be the only thing that made me productive. Not only did I get the entire house cleaned but I had one of the most effective "studio" days since I started this drawing. I can't count how many times I listened to the album. There's just something so haunting about her voice that makes the music so intense in a beautiful way.

It's hard to reach that "zone out" state when making art. That invigorating place where you leave reality for a brief time and are completely engulfed in the harmony of music and art. For me the two are closely tied but it still takes the right mood and music to get there. It doesn't happen very often so it's important to soak up every minute of it when it does. Thanks to Florence and the Machine I stayed there for most of the day Sunday which produced the majority of the top right side of the drawing.

I promise this next rant connects to art is some way. The most entertaining part of my job at Athena's is watching people parallel park and fumble over maps. People watching is fun because it almost becomes an unconscious investigation into human nature. Most of the people that walk by are couples and families. What is the driving force between human connections? Watching all of the different types of interactions between couples, as well as parent-child interactions, I've found my brain contemplating the intensity of love and genetic connections.

What is it that makes these types of human attachments so strong? I have friends that I am closer to than family members yet there is still a bond there when I see them. But why? Why does sharing blood change relationships.

How do we control who we surround ourselves with? Is it simply out of our own overwhelming loneliness that we yearn to associate ourselves with others? Are genetics so strong because they are a guarantee of human companionship?

The truth is that no matter how many incredible people we seek the company of, there is still no avoiding those times when we are left alone with our actions and thoughts. I guess what I am getting at is that no matter how strong our instincts are to form bonds with others we will never fully achieve these connections. We will always be (to some degree) alone as no one can fully get inside another person's thoughts. I think each individual needs to learn to deal with this inevitable realization of loneliness in there own way.

I think this summer has made me face this awareness of human solitude. I haven't had enough alone time this past year so making up for it is a good thing. This rant was not meant to be depressing. And when I am not alone I'm insanely blessed to have amazing people in my life.

This all relates to art because it is about the figure. The figure has always been a prevalent subject in art. The viewer attempts to identify with the figure in the artwork just as they would attempt to connect with any person. It's our way of making sense of how we navigate through this thing called life. It's making sense of the world by associating with other human beings.

Another thing I've noticed working at Athena's is how people above the age of 65-70 dress. They all wear the same white sneakers, socks, and cotton shorts and shirt. Is it a generation thing or am I doomed to loose all fashion sense when I am older?

Sun-Dried Cranberries

I promise to be quick and straight to the point. This charcoal drawing is taking way too long. The pencil drawings are done quickly and I can function normally when making them. These charcoal drawings however, require frequent breaks to keep my sanity. There is also the problem of figuring out what to render and what to leave incomplete. I was not in this predicament with the last drawing until closer to the end. I'm already facing the push and pull of creating this illusion of space, making the drawing process even slower as the more I draw the more I want to leave parts unfinished. Below is the setup I came up with. It's working surprisingly well but I'm really really really missing the studio.

Summer is so suffocating. It's like being in an oven stuck in limbo somewhere. It has always made me feel really detached and lonely. An occasional walk on the beach or reading a good book can sometimes fix this feeling for a brief time. There's just something about the open expanse of ocean and sky or loosing yourself in well written book that counteracts the stagnant time of summer. Too bad I've been way to busy for either of these activities. I'm ready for the crisp fresh air of fall.

Running on the beach at night at the beginning of the summer was working quite well until it got hotter and my life did not allow for this activity as frequently. Also, asthma and humidity don't really get along. I joined a gym yesterday and it was really nice to be able to exercise and breathe. No weird looks from people wondering if I was gonna pass out from not being able to get air into my lungs. Anyways as I was leaving the gym I felt really good. To quote Legally Blonde "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't." I'm thinking this gym thing may work to brighten up my mood in the midst of this weird transition in my life from school to the real world. Who said you couldn't learn anything from watching movies! Ironically legally blonde was on T.V. when I got home.

I promise I'm not on some crazy health kick I just really love salads. My dinner when I got home consisted of a mixture of lettuce, carrots, some chedder cheese, grilled chicken, balsamic vinaigrette dressing, and the best part: sun-dried cranberries! This whole cooking concept is still relatively new to me. I've finally moved on from the days where obtaining food was a microwave button away. Dessert consisted of strawberries, a few teddy grams, and the best part: a glass of wine.

In the past week I've had three light bulbs burn out on me. I don't know if it's me but I'm wary of turning on lights now. I almost expect the light to do that weird electric spark thing and then go dark.

I keep seeing commercials for that movie with Julia Roberts Eat. Pray. Love. It looks really good but that could be the allure of the song they picked out for the movie trailer. Inception looks really good too. I love going to the movies but I never seem to have the time and always forget about movies I want to see when they come out on DVD.

I Finally Started to Draw

I've never felt so unsettled in my whole life. There's always been school in my future. I'm not going to lie. I love school. Since I've graduated I've been denying the fact that I no longer attend Flagler College. I know grad school is in my future.. but what do I do until then? I avoided this question for a while before I had to face reality.

I think what I miss most about school is not seeing people on a daily basis. There's something nice about showing up to a place and knowing your friends are going to be there. You don't have to plan anything in advance. It's a guarantee that someone will be around to go on a caffeine run with you or distract you from working when you need a break. I was so spoiled being surrounded by wonderful creative people.

I won't be able to work on my art nearly as much as I used to and I hate that. I hate being forced to be at a place at a certain time (job). It has nothing to do with working. I work my ass off when I'm in school.... way way over a 40 hour "work week". It has more to do with being able to control the time in which I work. I also don't do well with not being productive. Standing outside Athena's restaurant for the past month trying to convince people to "try the best Greek food in town" has gotten to be boring and monotonous. (I think it was boring and monotonous after the first hour). The time just goes by so slowly and I feel so stuck there. I don't do well with feeling stuck. Why is it that I'm perfectly fine driving for hours and taking insanely long walks but I can't handle traffic or standing in one place? I think I have control issues which have nothing to do with normal control issues just this whole Time thing.

What really frustrates me is I had it so good this last semester. It was a really amazing year and I didn't enjoy it because I was too busy having panic attacks about the future. I was too sad about it all ending that I wasn't fully soaking it all in. It's too late now I can't go back and re-live it.

Sorry for the rambling, the whole point of this post is to say I WORKED ON A CHARCOAL DRAWING TODAY. By the time I couldn't handle not doing artwork (sometime around the end of May) I was too consumed figuring out this job thing to make time to draw. I think it has become almost physically painful to not make art. For the first time since graduating I feel like myself again. Words cannot describe the feeling. I couldn't focus with the T.V. on in the background and since there is never ever anything on television I turned it off and put on Stadium Arcadium (Jupiter CD) by the Chili Peppers (possible one of my all time favorite CDs) followed by some Norah Jones. I just can't put into words how happy it made me. Something about the music and drawing and music and drawing and some thinking. Drawing is just this amazing processing tool that I think my brain has greatly missed these past few months. I really love drawing insane amount of hours with little food and tons of caffeine to the point that I can't form sentences. It's exhilarating. Not that I did that today just, well, I miss it. There is no feeling like it in the world. I know I probably sound insane.

In other news: 1. I really hate cockroaches. I'm totally blaming there semi-invasion of my house on it being summer. 2. I still have bruises from being in the hospital two weeks ago. And people wonder why I can't handle having my blood taken. Every time is a traumatic experience. I was so delirious from fever and dehydration I was barely conscious and they are poking needles in me every chance I get. It's not the pain that bothers me just the thought of the needle. The hospital really wasn't that bad. It was just all the needles and not being able to stick my veins the first attempt. I think I was stuck 5 times? Just when I thought I was about to get the IV taken out after hours and hours (which they stuck 3 times before getting it). A guy comes in to take my blood! And can't get it on the first time! Anyway the bruise on my left wrist has kinda wrapped around the side of my wrist and doesn't show any signs of stopping. I'd like to seem them try to get the needles in me when I feel like a normal human being. The nurses don't stand a chance.

Light and Time

Three months ago when I was neurotically working on my final charcoal drawings and refused to leave the painting studio I couldn't help but notice the lighting effects that the skylight had on my drawing. In some crazy roundabout way it helped me realize one of the reasons for my obsession with old architecture.

Detailed architecture exaggerates the changing light of the sun. There are great deal more opportunities for shadows and a wider range of value shifts. It's a way to watch time progress right in front of your eyes. The dramatic shadow transformations that occur around dusk have always made me uneasy. It has something to do with seeing the physical proof of the passage of time and being completely unable to stop it.

Anyways all of this was set off by seeing the changing light across my drawing. Aside from this whole time obsession that probably makes sense only in my head, the light also reminded me of lighting coming through a cathedral window (perfect lighting for a drawing OF a cathedral). So in the end even though the lighting reminded me of this unnerving feeling I have about time, it also gave me this calm and serene feeling, like a peaceful moment stopped in time when watching light shine through a cathedral window illuminating the beautiful architecture inside.

Either I sound absolutely crazy or these pictures really needed no explanation.

I could totally see these drawings installed in a gallery with similar lighting. Maybe people will make the connections? Or maybe it's completely cheesy... anyways I liked the way the photos turned out.